The Custody Battle

Like I said John Sr. couldn't have picked a better time to come back. After he left, she sat us all down to discuss what had taken place. There would be a court hearing to see who would get custody of what children. Custody battles are horrible! It's an almost like child auction. I never want to put my children through it, if I can help it. 


John and his wife came over once again but to "examine the children".  They wanted to see which ones they wanted. Lena told John Sr. he could take John Jr, Killkenny, and me. John agreed that he'd take us three back to Sun Valley with him until the hearing in January. Well it was July. That was a full six months. John and his wife left and would be back after a couple hours to pick us up. 


With every article of clothing I packed the more and more I remembered that dreadful morning when John Sr hurt me.  A fear, words could never describe, began to bloom in the pit of my stomach. I didn't want to go. When it came time for John and Bridget (his wife) to pick us up I faked sick. My brothers kept trying to get me to go but I insisted that I stay. Finally John Sr got so frustrated he left me. I was so relieved. What was  I thinking?! Why would I ever want to live with that awful evil man again? 


Well summer came and went and soon school started back up again. I hated going to school because I always felt so stupid compared to the rest of the class. The only real thing I looked forward too was recess and teather ball. I may not have been able to spell every word right, do my 6o in a minute or color inside the lines but boy could I teather that ball! I was the play ground champion! I even beat the tallest of kids! 


Other kids would ask me how I won every single time, or how I'd beat the older kids also.  I told them I didn't know. But honestly that ball was my therapy. I'd imagine every person that had ever hurt me and just hit and hit until the ball quit coming back my way and was wrapped tight around that pole. I can't recall how many bloody noses I accidentally gave kids because of how hard I was hitting the ball.  When I'd go home with a "paw note" (given out to misbehaving children) I'd sign Lena's name and bring it back the next day. I never did it on purpose but the kids always played it out like I did.  


I wanted so badly to have friends! I wanted to prove to the other children and my teachers that I WAS a good girl! One night I went into Lena's room and found a speed pen (a hollowed out pen used to do speed) and a bag of pot. I hid them under my pillow that night when I went to bed and had big plans for the following day. 


My plan was to take the drugs and go to school with them. I was going to turn them into my teacher and tell on my mom, step dad, and brothers.  I felt so powerful walking to school that morning. With each step I grew excited and anxious. As I rounded the corner of the power plant, just a block away from my destination, an overwhelming presence or feeling stopped me in my tracks.  Without giving it a second thought I found a rock and buried the drugs underneath the heavy stone and dirt. On my way home from school I checked the rock and the stash was missing. 


Looking back, I did not know what stopped me or why that day, but now I know what stopped me. The spirit of God stopped me. Someone was following me that morning, someone knew I had those drugs and had intended me harm. Again, evidence that there was a heavenly being protecting me, slipped right under my nose. 


A few weeks after, a phone call from John Sr came, saying he was going to come and pick me up. Lena told me I had to go. John was my dad and I had no choice. Sure enough two weeks later I found myself at John's home. I was surprised to see how nice it was. His wife was an interior decorator and it was evident she was good at what she did. They took me to my room. I felt like a princess!


The room was an eggshell white with pink trim. It had a full bed with a thick white comforter that shined with pink sequences. When the sun hit the plastic jewels just right, they seemed to dance across the wall of my room. There were several pillows on my bed each with their own decorative sham that screamed royalty! The frame was a rustic white head and foot board with flowers and leaves that intertwined. The whole get up reminded me of Cinderella's coach. I never knew how easily a nervous and sick stomach could be bribed away with material things. 


My brothers' room was in the attic and it amazed me even more. John Jr's side was adorned with airplanes and posters of jets.  His bed was a queen and had a lush camouflage quilt. Killkenny's side had rocket ships and planets floating above and all around his bed and dresser. They each had four or five model cars and planes. Their room was every boy's dream. 


All this distracted me for just a short time. It didn't take long before I realized that I was with John Sr. and that he was a dangerous man. Christmas with John Sr came and went and January was fast approaching. He and his wife were still super nice and seemed to be safe during this time.  Bridget even taught me how to shave my legs. I was ten. 


January was fast approaching and I suddenly remembered the custody battle was too. The week of I told John Sr and his wife that I wanted to go home when they left. I wanted to be with my mom. I didn't want stay any longer. They tried for hours to talk me out of it but I only fought more. Finally John told me that after the hearing they'd come back and get me to go home. That way  I would have time to pack all my things. 


A few days later they left for Twin Falls for the hearing. I spent all morning trying to pack my things but my step-sister kept distracting me with things. She wouldn't let me. Fed up, I started yelling at her and we got in a huge fight. I screamed and cried and lashed out trying to hit her out of my way. We only stopped a second to answer a phone call. It was John Sr with the news from the hearing...he had custody of Killkenny, John and me. My world stopped in that instance. I was dumbfounded and silent. What had just happened? I was just signed off to John Sr with no choice in the matter.  Didn't anyone care that he had hurt me?! 


I snapped out of my trance and screaming ran to my room stuffing what ever I could into bags and boxes. Meghan (my stepsister) did nothing to stop me this time. That was the plan. She was to distract me all day until John called with the news. I hated her. I hated him. I wanted out. I screamed and cried and packed all of my belongings. I needed someone to rescue me, but no one knew I needed rescuing. 


When John and Bridget arrived home that night I was still furious. However, I had worn myself out. All I could do was sit on my bed and cry.  When John and his wife came to my bedroom door the look I gave them said it all; I hate you.


John came in and quickly and briskly slapped me across the face and told me to cut my shit out. I was too tired and worn out to care or even feel the sting. But that night, when I was alone in the dark of my room a tear stole furtively down my cheek as I realized the honeymoon was over, and this is how I'd be treated the rest of my days with John Sr. I did the only thing I knew would bring me comfort. Kneeling on the cold floor of my room I prayed to my God. 

"God, please save me. I'm so scared."