Christmas

Christmas was fast approaching and I was worried about what I would get the children. I worked for Allan still but that money was needed for groceries. I'm sure Lena would have found a church but I wanted my kids to have gifts from someone who knew them and cared for them.

Going to work one day Allan could tell something was troubling my soon to be eleven-year-old mind. He asked me what was making my "brown eyes blue." I told him my concerns for Christmas and I watched his eyes light up. Allan was such giving and loving person. He had several grandchildren he never got to see and this was a real treat for him. He told me first things first he needed to get me a coat.  My cherry red bare ears, cheeks, arms and neck must have been a dead giveaway that I did not have one.  He took me to JCPenny and me a nice heavy gold down coat. It was Mary Kate and Ashley and I felt cooler than ever in it! After he bought me the coat he took me home and told me he'd pick me up the next day after school.

True to his word Allan came and picked me up at home.  We drove a little ways down Bluelakes to Kmart. Once we got inside Allan handed me a one hundred dollar bill! He told me that he couldn't buy his grandchildren Christmas and so he'd buy us Christmas! I took the money and bargained shopped. I bought each of the children two gifts. I remember I bought Bonnie a set of pink and blue lava lamps and a jewelry box.  I bought Killkenny a light up Nerf football and a Nerf water gun. Maurice I bought him a magic set and action figure. Logan I bought him a G.I. Joe figure. It came with two uniforms with guns and shoes to match and a few army men. I also got him a bunch of army men and a jeep. I used up every penny of that money for their Christmas.

Allan took me back to his apartment and there I wrapped each present and hid them in his closet.  He would bring them by Christmas morning. There are times when I know with out a doubt that God sent Allan for us children.

~

Chuck still lived with us. I hated him with a fiery passion comparable to the hate Satan has for God's faithful children. Every night before bed he'd come in to say "good night". These visits were him kissing my cheeks and telling me how perfect my body was and how much he loved me and couldn't wait to be with me. 

Christmas Eve Chuck came into my room yet again.  On the eve of my birthday you'd think he'd leave me alone.  He lay next to me tracing my figure telling me how it was shaped just right and if I learned to use it right it'd make me great money. He whispered into my ear nasty and vulgar details of what he wanted to do with me.  I felt something slip into my hands. It was a one hundred dollar bill.  Chuck turned me on my back and told me that he'd be my first customer.  I was crying by now and asked him not to touch me that I didn't want to do those things with him.  He told me that since he paid me I had to. So I threw the money at him.  This infuriated Chuck and he punched me hard in the rib cage.  I had never felt a blow so hard. Immediately I threw up all over him and myself. Angry and soiled in throw up Chuck got up, kicked my side and left the room.

I hurt too bad to move and just cried.  Lena must have heard Chuck go back to his room. She sleepily came in and saw that I had puke all over me and assumed that I had just gotten sick.  She told me to get up and go to the bathroom and clean up and she would get me a new blanket. I came and laid back down on the floor too sore and tired to want to even cry. Christmas morning came and I had to go to Allan's.  At some point in the night I had moved to the bed on the floor and my little brother was asleep where I was. I don't know when this exchange took place, and it break my heart that he might have witnessed what happened and gave up his bed for me. 

I missed the opening up of gifts because I couldn't get out of bed. My rib cage hurt too bad.  So my birthday celebration was brought to me. A new years cake with a giant 2003 candle was my eleventh birthday cake. I didn't have the energy to be happy. I blew out the candle and fell asleep right afterwards. I woke up hours later around 3:00 pm and decided I needed to get the kid's gifts. I walked to Allan's about three miles away and each step seemed to kill me.

When I reached Allan's I picked up all the gifts and set them on the bed. I quickly counted them all. Eight, neatly wrapped Christmas gifts in sparkling snowflake paper. A glimmer shone in my eyes and in my heart, a glimmer of happiness.  I was excited for the children to open these! I told Allan I was sick that morning and that was why I was late.  He tossed me his keys and told me to load the presents in his car. I came back up and told me we were all set. Looking at me funny he asked if I had gotten everything. I said yes. He said he thought there were nine not eight.  I assured him I only bought two presents for each of the four little ones. A warm grandpa smile spread from ear to ear on Allan.  "Then what's that one, there under the microwave?"

Under the microwave was a square box wrapped in tons of blue plastic grocery bags. I picked it up and on top was my name!

Months before Allan had received a catalog in the mail and in it was a boom-box. A little round blue boom-box that I squealed over! I told Allan how I never had a one of my own. How I had to ask my brothers to use theirs but they would always tease me and make me do stupid stuff in front of their friends for me to use it. Allan merely laughed and said that the last thing I needed was a boom-box (I was loud enough apparently).

Opening the gift I was surprised to find that same little blue CD player (boom-box). Tears filled my eyes and I hugged Allan as tight as my little arms would allow.  I have never received a gift that held such meaning to me. His gift showed me that he truly loved my family and that he wanted to help us, even if it meant giving me the one gift I was sure not to get from anyone else.

The next morning as I soaked in the bathtub I examined the bruises on my side thinking that they weren't as bad as the bruises left on my spirit.  I swore to myself that I would be better then the life I was living now. In our neighbor's window she had a picture of a woman in a blue gown holding a beautiful baby wrapped in swaddling clothes. I wanted to be like that woman. She seemed so loving and full of grace. Now I know that woman was Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ. A woman with such perfect love and such a meek spirit that God would chose her to carry His Only Begotten.  One day he'd let me carry one of his children and raise him/her. Then I would show the world that I was a good girl and I could accomplish great things!