CHAPTER 2 PART 2

The next morning when I woke up there were boxes adorning our living room. As I ventured around the house I saw more and more boxes filled with our belongings. I found Lena packing up our bedroom. I asked her what was going on and she told me that we were moving to Twin Falls (another city in Idaho, about two hours away from Boise). I continued to probe asking her questions like why and where were we going to live there? She then proceeded to tell me that we bought a big house and dad got a new job that made lots of money. She talked to me as though I was seven...and I was but as stated before I felt ten times older.

Douglas came back in our truck and handed Lena a huge envelope of cash. I had never seen so much money before and with our move I saw and handled cash like that quite often. After everything was packed, Lena loaded us all into my Uncle's Bronco. Just before she got in John Sr pulled up in his Ford. He'd been at work all day and came home early. Taking in the scene before him he had that look...that red faced look which said he was ready to fight. Lena walked over and they began to yell at each other with a hateful passion I still do not comprehend.

Lena got in the front seat. Bonnie, my dear red headed sister, asked if her daddy would be coming. Lena assured her that he would meet us there. She could not see, but my eyes shot spears of anger at Lena, hoping that they'd pierce her in some way.

The big house Lena told me about was called The Valley House; a shelter for battered and abused women. With her she brought Chris, John Jr. me, Bonnie, Killkenny, Maurice and Logan, Douglas stayed with John Sr. I was furious that she had lied to BonBon. When we were all unpacked the first thing my sister did was go sit out on the front step to wait for dad to show up. I listened to Lena lie about my brother Chris's age. Boys over twelve were not allowed to stay at The Valley House. So, Lena lied and said that he was twelve, not thirteen. All the lies were beginning to really bother me.

Later that night, I heard Lena on the phone with John Sr. She told him "you wouldn't believe the lies had to tell to get into this place!". She heard me coming and quickly hung up the phone. I couldn't take it anymore I blew at her.

"Why do you keep lying?!!? I hate it!!! You lied to me about the house, you lied to Bonnie about dad and you lied to get in here!!! I hate it when you lie! Can't you tell the truth? Bon Bon sat on the front porch all day until she was called in for bed because she thought dad was going to come! I hate you Lena! I freaking hate you!"

I stormed upstairs and went to bed. A few hours later Lena came up and sat on my bed. Stroking my hair she promised me that she'd quit lying and change her life...sadly I knew that promise was also a lie.

It did not take long before we were kicked out of the shelter. They had a three strikes and you're out policy. The first strike was Killkenny getting into paint and painting doors and breaking doorknobs. The second strike was Lena and her friend leaving me alone to watch my four younger siblings and her friends two twin babies. More things got painted and broken that day too. The third strike was Lena leaving us there by ourselves overnight because she had gotten high on drugs and couldn't come home that night.

We quickly found a house, turned apartment on 469 Van Burne Street just two blocks from Harrison Elementary. Lena met a man named Garry and he and his sons moved in with us. Gary was very abusive and hated us kids with a passion.

His sons were very rude and bullied me quite often, but I knew it was because of their dad. His son Zayne backed talked Garry and he bashed Zayne's head through a fish tank. He had to go get stitches from his cheek bone, to his ear, and on to his head.

When Garry moved in I started to miss John Sr. I would cry for him every night and get mad at Lena for leaving him. All these strange men were coming into our house and would find their way to me every time. I felt safe around John Sr. He only hurt me with his words after I exposed him. I'd rather of him call me names like bitch, ugly runt, useless garbage, then have my innocence and womanhood stolen by strange, scary mean men.

Things began to worsen now that Lena was on her own. Drugs became more and more important to her. Feeding us, clothing us, housing us, all became last place in her life plan. I found myself doing transactions for Lena. She'd send me to someone's house with a bag of "spices" and I'd come home with hundreds of dollars in hand. I'd meet the scariest people. Men who'd want more than money when I came by. There were women who'd call me slut and whore when I came by because they were jealous of how their husbands or boyfriends would look at me. I didn't mind the women one bit, because as long as they were there I was safe from harm.

The rules in Lena's home were unorthodox to say the least. We couldn't smoke, do drugs or drink until we were twelve. My brothers and their friends never hesitated to give us younger kids alcohol. I only had a wine cooler once with them and it made me sick. I was eight.

Every time a new strange man came I became more and more desperate for John Sr. to come home. One day my dad's brother moved to Twin Falls with his wife Beth. They lived in the basement portion of our apartment. With him there things changed. Garry wasn't so abusive and men were scared to come near me or anyone else for that matter.

One night one of my mother's suppliers came to our house when she and my uncle were gone. He came in and my brothers were out with their friends drinking on Washington St. I was watching the little kids. He told me my mom would be home shortly after him. That's all he said and then he went into our kids bedroom and shut the door. Just as he promised Lena came home, but without my uncle. She gave me a hug and a kiss and called me "sweety". I knew right then that she wanted something. I figured another delivery/pick up, but she had something different in mind.

"LeAndra, sweety, could you go take a nap with Bobby? He's really tired and wants some company." Everything within me told me not too, but I did. I went and laid down in bed Bobby he pulled me close and fell asleep. Relieved I relaxed a little and let myself fall asleep too. I woke up to my pants loosened and his hand down stairs caressing me and his other hand touching his self. I froze. I couldn't move. I wanted to move so badly, but it seemed a presence was with Bobby holding me down so he could have his way. He didn't know I was awake so finally I mustered the courage to readjust and turn on my side, making his hand come out and away from me. That was a mistake. I had matured very early in life and age nine wore a size B bra. That quickly came unsnapped and he began to touch my chest. I just started to cry. I wanted to die right there and be somewhere safe...if there were such a place. I had heard of Heaven and it sounded magical...all I knew is you had to die to get there.

After he had reached his stopping point he got up and left. Once again I found myself sitting in the bathtub trying to clean myself off.

My Uncle came home and I ran into his arms and cried uncontrollably.

"Uncle Maurice!!! Bobby touched me!!! He touched me bad!!" was all I remember saying, over and over again. My uncle held me close and picked me up in his arms. He took my to Lena and had me tell her, but she was high on speed and once again was not able to help me. Uncle Maurice called the police and went after Bobby. He took Garry with him and together they beat him and left him helpless waiting for police to arrive.

Bobby threatened to stop providing for Lena if she pressed charges and took it to court...so he spent a week in jail and was let go. But Uncle Maurice stayed with us and kept Bobby away.

Douglas had gone with John Sr and apparently they had moved to Sun Valley. Lena went to pick up Doug and bring him home. I was so happy to have him back home. I was tired of being abused by men, my brothers and raising the kids alone. Doug would help.

When Doug came home things were better for awhile, but now as I recollect I recall him quickly getting into drugs and parties and gangs. Why was that everyone I depended on left me stranded? Where were those people that were suppose to care for me and love me and my family? I thought they were called mom and dad but obviously we had only ourselves.

One thing I began to think about more was Heaven. What and where was this place? What was it all about? Who was this man that lived there and supposedly loved me so much?

Christmas time came around again and I would turn nine. As always Lena found a church and that is where we'd get our gifts. However, this church was not going to stand to be used. They started to pick us up every Sunday for church. Lena quit attending after awhile. As the weeks went by she became less and less capable of leaving the house and holding a job because she was always stoned or hung over. But I made sure the kids and I kept going. I loved how everyone there cared for us and made us feel. I learned all about Heaven and who it was that lived there.

I also learned a new concept I had never imagined was possible. I could actually talk to that being named God. I could ask him for things and he'd give them to me. I couldn't ask for toys, but I could ask for hurt and hate to stop and for my family to be normal. When I got home from church after learning about prayer I knelt as far down as I could. With my face and hand burried in the carpet I asked God one simple question.

"Please bring Dad back. Please make my family normal." I got into bed and all I could do was wait. I couldn't take it if God let me down. If He did then surely I was doomed to a life of hurt and hate and would die a concrete angel. Once again I prayed and prayed hard.

"God please, please don't let me down."